I Still Miss You John
Sunny days I think of you most
The pains still there like a faded coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the river
I still can't believe you're gone
It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Would have been so much easier with you there
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today
Would you see the world, would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Some days the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
I know it might sound crazy, but I do
It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Would have been so much easier with you there
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today
Sunny days I seem to think of you most
The pains still there like a faded coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I'll see you again someday
posted by Valerie at 11:52 AM
7 Snotty remark(s):
I am lost. Who is John?
12:57 PM, June 09, 2006
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5:48 PM, June 09, 2006
That's a very nice tribute to him, mom. I'm glad you had him as a friend.
9:46 PM, June 10, 2006
John is a childhood friend of mine. I met him the week we moved to Momence. We were both six yrs. old. He lived a block down and we were one of the few who had divorced, single moms, which was very rare for our small town in 1960.
One of the other things that made our bond was that while my mother’s life was exposing me to being sexually abused over and over, John's mother's boy friends were beating him. So we did whatever we could to escape our homes and that was a lot about being outdoors. I was true Tom Boy and he was a true Huck Finn friend. I still have the scare from where we became blood brothers. John taught me everything about outdoors. We would catch bugs and watch them fight in jars, flatten pennies on the railroad track, climb any tree we could find and conduct wars with the kids around the corner. He taught me how to not throw like a girl. He taught me a deadly 1,2, 3 punch to protect myself. We spent many lazy summer days and nights at the Island Park playing in the river and hanging out on islands in the middle of the river. We did a lot of sneaking out at night and go hang out at the park in the dark, smoking. (He gave me my first cigarette.) Of course I had to sneak to see him all the time because his mother wasn’t ‘saved’. One of our favorite things to do was to stand on the railroad trestles catwalks that span the river and wait for a train. The engineer would be blowing his horn like mad at us and we would stand there, holding hands and scream at the top of our lungs! a true rush! When we were much older we’d play hooky together and were known to go skinny-dipping on a dare. We grew apart when boyfriends and girlfriends came. We’d fight about it all the time. He didn’t like who I was with and I didn’t like who we was with. All and all we had a great time and only Dee has surpassed him as a friend.
I left to go live in my relative-foster home the day after Christmas 1970. John and Gordon Brister, another friend I grew up with, were out cursing with girlfriends, new licenses, and a new car. They hit a semi at approximately 75 miles an hour. The car was curled under the truck, touching front to end. All were killed in April of 1971.
When I was called and told I actually fell to the floor. I was in bed for a day crying.
I sang He ain’t Heavy at his funeral and Amazing Grace at his burial site. I passed out after singing and came to in the car. It was a really bad bad time in my life. I lost so much hope then.
But in some ways he is still with me. He is always there when I am doing something wild and crazy. And I can hear him say…”you are such a girl” when I do certain things or am chicken to do things.
He is a bittersweet memory. I know we were a lot about what kept our sanity for each other.
John was the first thing that popped into my head the first time I saw Bill. He reminds me of him often. John was a tall lanky dark eyed/haired guy like Bill, very playful and always ready to do something new or interesting or just fun. They also have to same adorable clumsiness. Like they don’t quite know what to do with all that body! lol John was what brought me past my own fears and to some kind of action. I never would have waded rivers without John nor even conceived of living on a beach without Bill. Meeting Bill was like getting some of John back.
At some of the bad times in my life I have been really mad at him for not being there. I still miss him. And can’t wait to see him again
I thought this song was perfect for it.
So that’s who John is.
9:09 AM, June 12, 2006
wow, that more of him then i think i've ever heard you talk about
10:36 AM, June 13, 2006
He sounds to me like he was an angel put on earth just for you.
1:30 PM, June 13, 2006
That's good you had someone at that time in your life. God is definately mysterious...
3:31 PM, June 13, 2006
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